Thursday, February 11, 2016

Still working away at that

The Home Ec thing. It was complicated by a near nervous breakdown about my Dad refusing to move out for the whole of the renovations, which will, God willing, happen quite soon. And I've been very busy making jewelry and having mini nervous breakdowns, plus Geoff has worked 17 hours of overtime this week.

So I've spent a lot of time in a little ball of stress. I have started getting Nat to unload parts of the dishwasher about a quarter of the time, and the boys are doing more picking up, and generally I'm trying to increase expectations. I need to ask Nat and Thomas both to do more meal prep,

Time to re-tackle the laundry and all the other great stuff.

Thursday, February 04, 2016

I'm so sorry, blog



I feel huge guilt for the neglect, but the inside of my head is all eaten up with my shop and reading dumb articles that chirpily tell me how to increase my business and like myself better and balance my life plus learning how to run a store. and let me tell you that the balance seems to be heavily weighted towards chainmail, shouting at people, and not cleaning.

In that vein, I'm probably going to blow off school for the next couple of weeks, and put my children through a Home Ec course that they will hate a lot, but will leave them, I hope, able to do things like Unload the Dishwasher, Put Away Their Own Laundry, and Make Simple Meals Like Cheerios. I'm thinking about other skills. They're all eight and under, and we have this very hopeful chart of things children can do, chores that are age appropriate, but in practice nope. Still, I think I can also work on Vacuuming the Floor, Cleaning the Bathroom with Wipes. Picking up Their Own Damn Toys. What else should I put on the list?

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

One year in

One year after, the first year of Mum's death. This week has been like having depression plus nausea and just endless, body-dragging exhaustion. I am interiorly chiding myself. "Cheer up!", I say. "It's been a year, and this shouldn't be so physical!" And I mention half-heartedly or wholeheartedly that I'm feeling sad, or that I am going to go lie down again, But it's like walking through glue. I don't even feel that sad most of the time, but... I'm not sick, but the inertia is post-fever, and inside me I am still remembering every few minutes what it was like to sit beside Mum's bedside watching her breathe so quickly and so shallowly that it didn't seem anyone could remain alive on so little air.

And so I'm going to go heat up pulled pork and cheese for dinner, and then lie down again, and say "Lettest now Thy servant depart in peace.." again, without conviction, and wait for the grief to pass.

Saturday, January 09, 2016

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

I should stop buying jewelry stuff

I'm not sure I have anything really to say, but I' m sad about the neglectedness of my blog. I'm starting to try to use up jewelry components instead of buying new things a lot. Tomorrow is Epiphany which means baking a King Cake and taking down the tree. Last year I baked one and my aunt Lynn, who flew to New Orleans just after Mum's death, brought me a real King Cake from a real Louisiana bakery. It was very good. I'm basically going to make a large brioche cinnamon roll and shape it, which will also be good.

Little weirdo
Today will probably be an at-home day. I'm weirdly full of aches, probably from carrying Elizabeth, and it's cold outside. I need to mentally prepare for my winter homeschool plan, which isn't complicated but requires discipline from me. Wah. Why do I have to display the virtues I want my children to emulate? Why aren't they really down with my hypocrisy? Anyway, we're going to plug away at math and phonics and reading, and I'm going to grit my teeth and pick a chapter book and start reading to Thomas and Nat in the evenings. That's hard because by evening I generally want to hide. My extensive chapter books with Nat have died since Thomas also started staying up late, because the two of them are, ahem, not quiet together. But I have to reclaim literacy for the kids! Probably through Zita the Spacegirl and Calvin and Hobbes.


Sunday, January 03, 2016

Still kicking around

Happy New Year! All typos are due to my sons never ever EVER being allowed to have food near the keyboard, an admonition they follow so well that the keyboard is sticky and there are crumbs in it.

I've woken up with a bad enough crick in my neck that I took a boatload of painkillers to ease it. I'm hoping that in an hour I can look to the right even a little bit. I'm not holding out a lot of hope. Probably tea will help.

I'm sitting around, hoping the tea will make itself, and planning three birthday parties and piddling around thinking about what I want to make for jewelry samples to take out and show to local businesses. I think there's a bunch of people, pretty much the SAME people, coming to all the birthday parties. I'll probably make lots too much food, but that's normal. Many cakes. Lots of soup or stew or something. Finger foods.

This reminds me that I am getting redacted sick of the children only eating snack food. It's been a perfect storm of me being depressed and grieving, child pickiness, and Geoff gone every evening for work. My desire to cook has dropped to pretty close to nil, unless there are other adults around. But sometime soon I am determined to stage a revolt. I'm trying to figure out how to do it while ensuring that Nat and Miriam don't starve. I want to lock up basically everything they like, eliminate snacks, and I guess starve them into submission. I have to wait until I feel up to the scream of agony.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Smells of Christmas

Sitting around in the living room, which is full of the scent of spices from a pot on the stove. We mulled wine last night, and the pot wasn't emptied. We baked cookies yesterday, too. The cookies are gingerbread, a memory of my childhood, but my parents never ever mulled wine, and if they'd done it they wouldn't have put star anise and cardamom in it. Foreign. Different.

Last Sunday in Advent. Getting the house ready, must make the grocery list for Christmas dinner. We buried Mum on Friday, a year after she started wandering. We haven't wrapped the presents yet, because I don't think our children are Good With Resisting Temptation. Maybe I should, so they can get practice and I can go mad trying to keep them from opening everything. Maybe not.

Merry Christmas


Elizabeth the hysterically excited wishes you a very merry Christmas and maybe a pink princess dress of your VERY OWN.

Today is actually the day after our Christmas, because Geoff is working all today, so I'll be shoveling out the post Christmas mess and slumping on the couch with tea a lot.