Geoff's gone for the grading today. I'm praying for him and holding on by my fingernails here, since he's gone from nine in the morning until probably ten or eleven tonight. Looking forward to tomorrow, when I'll have him and probably other other here, and I can have help cleaning, babyholding, and dealing with Nat's current favourite thing to shout at me or anyone he disagrees with ("I hate you! I want you to die!") which I'm not loving even though I know he doesn't really mean it.
We finished reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe yesterday, and I just told Nat there are other books about Narnia. He's keen, so I think we'll read Prince Caspian next.
A few days ago I had one of those vivid dreams that really sticks, and it had a weird unsettling time-travelling theme. Geoff and I were going on a winter hike to Niagara, which had relocated to Prince Edward Island. I remember noticing piles of slush or sand made out of amethysts on top of the snow. When we arrived we were suddenly at a tea party/cocktail hour social event, and I realised we'd traveled back in time, because there was a boy there with whom I'd gone to youth group, who had grown up and become a teacher a few years ago was accused of attempting to seduce minors.
He committed suicide before the trial.
In my dream I was making conversation with him, awkwardly, and wondering- can I prevent what his future holds? Ought Ito tell him? How do I interact with him, knowing what he's going to do?
I'm in poor emotional shape right now, one of the babies refuses to sleep, and may have woken the other one, and I have the trapped, claustrophobic, drowning feeling that that induces. The boys both want attention and will act out without it, and I am trying not to shout at them because of my own frustration.