This isn't spiritual, although with the title it really should be something deeply felt and earnest. It's about Nat, fights, and blood sugar. We're had escalating fights about almost everything, but particularly over snacks and meals. He sneaks food, he screams at us about food choices, and he lies about whether he's been eating without checking with parents.
This is making me shaky with rage and despair and lack of control, and our options were to continue stonewalling and screaming and having him lie to us, or try something radical- we're going to let him snack when he wants, and get his own snacks, and monitor his blood sugar as before. I'm not sure it's a long-term solution because today, the first day, gave a blood sugar reading of 28.4 (that's a very bad number) but as long as I restrict the kinds of food he has available it might be okay for a cease-fire.
Plus we can try to talk about how he feels when he overeats or refuses to eat- a good thing in theory, but in practise he doesn't seem to remember much.
Nathaniel weighs a third of what I do, and is less than two feet shorter than me. I'm increasingly struck by how our battles are over my desire to control him, when he's getting to an age where some reasoning and consequences work better. I just have to find a way not to throttle him while we figure our the new shape of our relationship.
In postscript, macaroni and cheese mixed with butter chicken is a very good thing, the squid costumes are finished, and Thomas has been relentlessly feeding me chips I don't want while I've been writing this.