Monday, December 10, 2012

Gluttony, thinness, vanity

Quick post because I should be doing about five other things, but: the more I read Catholic Mom blogs right now the more I feel pressured to lose weight. Not all of them, but some, because it seems like a good third have just had babies and are talking about frantically trying to cut out sugar/exercise more/lose all the baby weight. Geoff remarked yesterday (after seeing part of some weight-loss ad) that he has had  to restrain knee-jerk verbal responses to such things since reading Rethinking Thin. 

I have a similar response, as well, but I also have the schizophrenic self-doubt vanity response, which says something utterly useless like, "Look, lots of other people are doing it. Look, she's already so thin and it's only been six weeks since her baby was born. It's true- being thin fast after having a baby is morally and aesthetically superior to still being postpartum-looking ten months later. Maybe I should try to lose weight? We all know that fat is shameful and wrong and the result of poor self-control and  an affront to the people around us."

Notice how stupid this line of thinking is- thin is morally superior to not being thin? But this is still the voice in my head.

I need to go now because Elizabeth, who has finished eating crayons, is advancing towards me, and Miriam is crying and telling me off, and I think the boys are watching a stupid movie. Urgh. More later.


Sally Thomas said...

I do this, too, only it's of the "See, menopause didn't turn *her* into an overstuffed chair" variety. "If only I cut out the right thing . . . if only I had more self-control . . . if only . . . "

Gr. Terrible what we do to ourselves in the privacy of our own minds.

lissla lissar said...

"If only every single thing i did was under my conscious control and I was super-virtuous all the time."

lissla lissar said...

Not that weight has much to do with virtue. I hate that association.

Steph said...

Kyra, you don't need to worry about getting thin. You looked just great to me when I came over last time. You don't need to look like a skeletal, bulimic super-model to be attractive. Healthy is what you appeared to be, and not fat, by any sort of definition.

lissla lissar said...

In my rational mind, I know that I'm fine, but the critical part of me says idiotic things in an internal monologue. I read somewhere, "Inside my brain there is another brain who is a moron." Geoff and I say that to each other fairly often.

It doesn't help that just before I got pregnant with the twins I had effortlessly lost a lot of weight, and was both healthy and very thin.