Saturday, October 19, 2013

The inside of my head, right now

It looks like this:

What are we going to have for lunch? Is there any way I can talk Geoff into picking up fries on the way home from grocery shopping? I didn't get any sleep- I hope Nat's all right and his sugars come down. Thank God we got Mum and Dad to finish their Power of Attorney forms. Also thank God for neighbours who witness the forms and then give me wine.

I think we need to do four loads of laundry and I have no energy.

What is Nat singing? I feel sick and lightheaded. Probably sleep loss. Free floating anxiety about getting child care for the kids while I take Mum to all her appointments. Dear Lord she even has trouble writing her own name. My mother is having anxiety attacks from not understanding things. I need to call my aunt. When is okay to call Vancouver? Nine their time?

I feel like the fuse or the linchpin or something, holding everything together. And I feel insufficient, in spite of the oceans of love and support we're getting, as I listen to my mother worry that they're not helping us, as I bump up against the walls of things she doesn't know she can't do. As we wait for tests and appointments and answers.

2 comments:

Judith Cooke said...

oh the inside of your head does not sound like a fun place right now....you're truly experiencing the 'sandwich generation' effect, sadly:(

lissla lissar said...

Yes. At thirty-five, with very small children. And last night and today have been complicated by stomach flu. We're getting through, but it's slow and we're so tired and stressed.