Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Still here

I looked in Nat's baby book yesterday after getting the girls home from their neo-natal assessment, and found out that when he was two his notable sentences include, "What do you mean by diagonal?". The girls are not doing that insanely well with speech but are above average in language and general coordination. What they're behind on, badly, is weight and growth, even for preemies. So the next month is devoted to feeding them up (among other things). 

Last week I told Nat the story of the Illiad, and I keep coming back to it; today I sang him part of Les Mis (badly, but whatever), and we talked about Jean Valjean and Fantine. Some of it. I've told him parts of the story before, and we've listened to some of the music. He's having some emotional spazz attacks a lot, which are made harder to deal with by the persistently sub-freezing weather. It's nearly the end of March and we still can't go outside.

Geoff and I have been reading a number of books about self-control and persistence and vocation and organization, and many of them are good, but I am left with a persistent feeling of, "Well, that's fine, but you are telling me that I just need to organize, write down, and have blocks of time for contemplation. I don't have those."

Right now, in my head, I am trying to:
Plan how to get extra calories into the girls without compromising nutrition 
Thinking about how to help my parents organize their banking
Trying to plan two different grocery store trips
Planning the resulting cooking and meal prep
Thinking about how to not strangle Nat and deal with his overwhelming energy right now
Trying to plan how to sleep train Elizabeth out of waking at four

While someone is trying to pull up the back of my shirt and blow raspberries on my back. I am trying not to be upset about the extra burden of worry about the girls, but I am struggling. There is too much to do and only one of me.


Melanie Bettinelli said...

Did you see Jen Fulwiler's post that defined "crisis mode" as the absence of a guaranteed quiet time every week to think and plan? This makes me think of that. So those self-help books are great for people who aren't in crisis. What you need is something about how to function when the crisis is ongoing for a long term. And you know it's possible there might even be books out there like that.

Do you ever read Willa of Quotidian Moments/ Take up and Read/ Sierra Highlands/ Athelas and I don't know at least half a dozen other blogs she's kept in the past? (She's one of those people who seem compelled to have a new blog every so often and who often maintains two or three different blogs simultaneously). Anyway, she had long bouts of ongoing hospitalizations with one of her kids and she's written beautifully about the experiences of trying to deal with that and homeschooling and the post-traumatic stress of it all. Let me see if I can find them.

Here's one of the posts I remembered:

Maybe I'll email her and ask if she remembers which ones I'm thinking of. The ones about struggling in the hard times and how to get through them. Anyway, I'm saying prayers for you, especially during my late night vigils with Lucia.

Melanie Bettinelli said...

Also I found this one: Homeschooling in Times of Crisis