Thursday, July 10, 2014

I will be polite about my children

And not call them less than worthwhile just because they're very very picky and annoying. Geoff is right. I will not call them less worthwhile for not eating anything, but I will continue to be very annoyed by them.

This week has been completely emotionally hideous, with Tuesday spent mostly crying and trying to fix things for my mother and with banking, and then with large numbers of chocolate eclairs and Sherlock.
This made things a little better
My parents are not doing better and I am basically a giant ball of stress and grieving. But in spite of this there have been lovely moments, with huge support and amazing things like Alicia and Richard and the kids driving in yesterday to bring dinner, play with children, and clean the whole ground floor while I followed Alicia around and told her how hideous my life is. There's some irony in that, because how can my life be hideous if we have friends like these?

In spite of the enormous amount of screen time and random play the kids have been doing, and the lack of reading because of me not being able to talk for a few days, we've had a large number of very short but good Teachable Moment things- gathering wild plants with Nat, talking with Nat and Thomas about the names of the days of the week and the Roman and Norse gods, reading some poetry aloud. Outside time. Lots of lego and some math and looking up how to draw transformers and what echnoderms are, again. Talking about yak butter tea. Weird stuff springboarded off life.

On Friday my MiL arrives to help with a thousand thousand chores and appointments and research, and on Saturday one of my cousins flies in to float from house to house for the summer and provide help with taking care of my parents and also to enjoy Toronto. And my mother, even in anger and confusion at knowing her mind is going, tells me that she will pray and try to be at peace with what God wants for her.

So I am grateful, and crying, again.

ETA: comments are very welcome if you can think of something to say.


Melanie Bettinelli said...


I can't think of much to say. I'm afraid my brain is fried. I wish that everything wasn't so awful. But I'll send virtual hugs and lots of real prayers.

Anonymous said...

Your life is not hideous. Pain and love are both for the benefit of our soul. And friends are a gift from God as well. And in some cases, friends are an apology for family. Pray about everything and worry about nothing. You will find peace that way....

lissla lissar said...

I do pray pretty constantly these days- the whole situation has been a considerable incentive to prayer. I don't know how not to worry. I've had for years a tension between trust in God (whom I believe is sovereign and will bring good ultimately out of all things) and a desire not to sugarcoat all of the awful or unfair things that happen. There are good things that have come out of this hideous illness- more time with family, prayer, opportunities for service- but it doesn't change the terror and misery of watching my parents crumble, and the real tension of wondering what faculty my mother will lose next, and how to deal with it. I pray, but I'm more with the "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" and "As Thou wilt and as Thou knowest, and if there is war in thy soul, add, 'Help me'".

Anonymous said...

I dont know if it will bring comfort, but your Mom still feels like my Mom too sometimes when I reflect back to the sleepover days filled with freezer jam and cases of CocaCola. My friend, you are in my consitant thoughts and prayers and I wanted you to know that when you are praying, chances are along the lines I will be as well. After all,
When two or three....There are so many good memories from the past that are good, perhaps the more easier ones :)
You are strong.

Zagorka said...

Dear Kyra,

as I said before, I am reading from quite far away and I am not very good in praying, but I open your blog link often and consciously as a form of very short prayer, putting you in Mother Mary's hands.

((())) from Germany.