It's our twelfth anniversary. We've had friends over for Christmas, and then our niece and nephew and Geoff's Mom here for two days. It was wonderful and festive and full of toys (it looks like a toy factory exploded) and food and lots and lots of children playing all over the house. It's great, and now I feel like I am convalescing from a long illness, because underneath all of it, in the midst of celebrating the joy of the Christ child's birth (this is me explaining over and over, "No, it's NOT Santa's birthday. It's Jesus' birthday. Okay, everyone, who was born on Christmas? NO! NOT SANTA!") there's been visiting my mum, who has gotten so much worse it's incredible.
Geoff has borne the brunt of it, because he's been doing a lot more visiting than I have, but we're both grieving the loss of my mother. It's been a dark constant undercurrent of grief and tears that had me sobbing on the floor several times on Christmas Day. I'd start crying and sit down, recover, get up and continue the Christmas Day rituals, start crying again, and repeat.
My mother recognizes me, but she is constantly trying to get out now. Her speech is terrible- she's slurring and none of her sentences make sense. I can parse them emotionally, and reassure her, but not understand what she means. Yesterday I noticed she wasn't wearing her glasses- I need to see if I can find them.
She moves into a nursing home tomorrow. Today I need to see if I can pack some of her things, and I'm running through the paperwork I need to take, primarily PoA and a void check. I'm going to visit today to take them some more frozen dinners and maybe pack if I can get the space to do it surreptitiously. I would like to go into a nice quiet sensory deprivation chamber for a month, but instead Geoff and I will head out for dinner and then come home and collapse and possibly watch a movie, and then go to bed early to get ready for tomorrow at ten a.m.