Thursday, March 26, 2015

Having a grieving day

Haven't had one in a while. Today I was very low-energy and full of mourning. So I'm going to put the kids to bed early after we eat the nice takeout pizza and I can have wine and leftover chocolate cake and feel sad and read Tamar Adler about delicious homemade food. I did bake bread and make granola bars today, and say a few small angry prayers. I didn't do any school, but I took the boys to the playground and we talked about gravity and pendulums and inertia while they were on the swings. Keep circling back to the physicality of illness and death, and the specific details- Mum's angularity as she slowly dehydrated, the way she started bending over at the waist even before she went into the home. The way her eyes faded, going from green to gray. And the very final way her mouth hung open at the end, very different from the way it did while we were waiting. Tiny snapshots, small intense physical memories.

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